So You're Thinking About Going On Another Diet
Thinking about dieting again is likely something that will pop in your mind now and then. It happens to all of us! We are constantly bombarded by messages about weight, bodies, food, “health”, and dieting that it would be more surprising if you didn’t think about dieting ever again. The most helpful next step is to review your own diet history data:
When you notice you’re thinking about going on another diet:
Did the weight stay off long term? How long?
Did it get rid of my negative body image? How long?
What did it cost me in terms of time, energy, money, relationships, and mental health?
Did it deliver on its promises and bring me closer to a rich, full, meaningful life?
1. The vast majority of people will regain the weight they lose on a diet within 2-5 years and up to 2/3 will regain more than they lost. The greatest predictor of weight gain is going on a diet. It’s not your fault, you aren’t broken or don’t have enough “willpower”… it’s the diet, diet culture, fatphobia, and how our bodies are built to survive famine.
2. Intentional weight loss tends to increase body fixation and decrease body satisfaction*. No matter what or how much changes, it tends to never be enough. New ‘flaws"‘ will be found and it often takes up more hypervigilance and brain space. That’s because this is about trauma and what’s going on deeper inside, not what your body looks like. An example of this is when you look back at old picture and see your body vastly different than you did at the time.
*It can be a very real experience to be treated differently when you lose weight - by the people who matter to you and by total strangers. This can absolutely produce welcomed emotions/experiences, there’s a downside to this as well we can dive into in another post. It doesn’t necessary translate to improved and sustained positive body image. It does mean we need to continue to dismantle diet culture and fatphobia so everyone can be treated with kindness and respect at all sizes.
3. What were the costs of that diet that one time you keep comparing yourself to? What was different about your life then? Did you have the same amount of responsibilities, jobs, kids? Did you have to skip social events, meal prep, bring your own food everywhere, feel guilt, shame, and anxiety around eating? Binge, purge, over exercise, use drugs, stimulants, laxatives, etc? Did you spend a lot of money on trainers, memberships, supplements, programs, meal delivery programs, etc? How much space did your body and dieting take up in your mind? Did you feel increasing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and loneliness?
4. Although it can alleviate distress initially - and often disordered eating/dieting comes into our lives when we really needed help to numb, distract, avoid trauma and painful thoughts/emotions/body sensations - it often doesn’t fully deliver on its promise. It doesn’t bring a deep sense of being enough, lovable, of belonging, or having a magically better instagrammable life.
Where do we go from here?
Short answer options: Health At Every Size, Intuitive Eating, trauma work, fat activism, destroying diet culture and white supremacy. Research these topics, find accounts online who share this information from both people who have lived experience as well as professionals, and seek support from others going through this process. Therapy may not always be accessible but if you’re able to work with someone who really understands these concepts it can be really helpful.
**As always everyone has body autonomy and can choose anything they think is best for them and their body. This is for those who want another option.
How To 'Feel Your Feelings' In 8 Steps
Therapists are known to say: Feel your feelings. But what does that even mean?
As humans we tend to avoid, numb, and distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings and we prefer to seek out pleasurable ones. In theory this helps us stay safe and alive but in order to live a full and meaningful life we need to learn how to experience all emotions, not just the ‘good’ ones.
The more we resist the uncomfortable emotions, the more they tend to persist and create even more problems in our lives. Have you ever heard the saying “hurt people, hurt people”? The way out of these feelings is through them (ie. FEEL them). Becoming attuned to and welcoming our emotions can help us navigate and build a life we want to live.
Emotions are:
Just information.
Vibrations in the body.
Energy in motion (e-motion).
Not facts.
Not orders.
Temporary. They WILL pass.
Alerting us to pay attention to something important.
Neither good nor bad. They just are.
Signals letting us know we may need to take action, speak up, or do something different.
Not going to hurt us but our reaction to them could.
How to feel a feeling:
1. Notice the sensation in your body and identify the emotion(s) coming up.
Observe it nonjudgmentally. Allow it to be there.
2. How would you describe it?
Where do you feel it in your body?
What’s the temperature?
What’s the texture? Is it sharp?
Is it still? Moving? How fast?
What color is it?
Is it light? Heavy?
3. Validate the emotion:
“It’s ok to feel this way.”
“It’s understandable why I would feel this way”.
“Many people in my position would feel this way.”
If it’s difficult to tap into self compassion and validating your emotions, imagine a loved one going through a similar situation. What would you say to them? How would you extend kindness and understanding to them?
4. Breathe, make room for the emotion. Control your breathing, not your feelings.
Take a deep, cleansing breath in
Image you have a balloon in your stomach. As you breath in, the balloon expands.
Notice how your stomach extends further out than your chest as you breathe.
Breathe in relaxation, breathe out tension.
Breathe in to the count of 4, breathe out to the count of 4, slowing the breath is relaxing.
5. Calming self-talk
I am feeling _____ right now and that’s ok, I can handle this.
This feeling will pass.
I can handle any emotion that comes my way, it will not hurt me.
Right now I am ok, right now I am safe.
6. Get curious
What is this emotion trying to communicate to me?
What should I do with this information?
What are my values and how can I align my response with what’s most important to me?
7. If you’re flooded by emotions use a grounding technique to bring you to the present:
Look around you and identify:
5 things you see
4 things you feel
3 things you hear
2 things you smell
1 thing you taste (or pop in a piece of gum or something flavorful)
8. Reach out to your support system.
Consider 3 people you can reach out to when difficult emotions arise.
Preferably people who will listen, offer kindness, understanding, and compassion.
If this is unrealistic, try journaling and consider reaching out to a therapist to begin developing a support system.